atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize