Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
