I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
