How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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