Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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