This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
