You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
