At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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