i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
