VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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