Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize