i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize