do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
