If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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