He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
