my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
