I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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