Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
