her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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