So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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