I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize