She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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