would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
