it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
