make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
