Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
