My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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