At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
