watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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