i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
