I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
