I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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