I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's always time for handjobs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
