She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you had me at cake vodka
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
