Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The Olympian is in my bed
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