He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
