His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
