What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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