never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
bring money and cleavage
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
