Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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