I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
