did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
