I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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