Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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