Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
