She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
