Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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