ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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