who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do you have feelings for this penis?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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