Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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