She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
