You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
