so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
