I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize