it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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