Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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