Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
