My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
