Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
