She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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