So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
