Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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