Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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