I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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