Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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