Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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