My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
