oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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