My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
