I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
