ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
