i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
