i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
