my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
