Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
