I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
