You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
