Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
