I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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