I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
