I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
