so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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