he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
