I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
