NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
