Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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