Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
