Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
