I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so let's talk penis.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
