Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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