ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How does one acquire holy water?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
