Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
