I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
