Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
