I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
