it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize