oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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