4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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