there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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