my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
