remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
