hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
