when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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