i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
