She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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