I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
