I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
