bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
