Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
