Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
