My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
