hotel room ftw
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
