I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Are my feet made of real feet?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
