Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my poor anus
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
