do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
