I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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