He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
